


Atsumu Miya has conflicting feelings

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Canon, M/M, Thats Kinda Gay, atsumu is having a hard time, mental health, this is so random, why can’t everyone just sit still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When arriving at nationals Miya Atsumu can’t sit still for the life of him. Apparently the boy sitting next to him can’t either.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	Atsumu Miya has conflicting feelings

Atsumu Miya is an anxious, rude excuse of a human being. He doesn’t know how to express his true emotions. He’s an asshole. He lies. He bites the ends of fingernails until there’s nothing left except skin. But nonetheless still human.

Atsumu was rubbing his thumb against his index finger. _One two three four. One two three four._ He counted the amount of times he had rubbed it back and forth. Walking towards the building that the nationals are held in, he stops counting, walks through the building, and continues towards a room where players are stretching and getting ready. He freezes. The first thing he notices as he observed the atmosphere and the people in this room is the overwhelming amount of anxiety flowing out of every single person in the room. Nothing new.   
  


_Tap tap tap_ people tapping their feet. People biting the ends of their nails off. Everyone fiddling with their hands. _‘Everyone is anxious. That’s just how people are.’_ He convinced himself. Atsumu found it unbelievably annoying how people constantly tap their feet, click pens, and mess with objects that they had close to them. He gets aggressive and restless. It distracts him but he would be called a hypocrite if he told these people to stop fiddling and tapping because Atsumu had the same problem. Just ten times worse.

  
Atsumu walks over to the bench, messing with the strap on his duffel bag then sets his things down. 

_Tap_. _Tap. Tap. Tap._

  
He observes. Everyone bounces their feet up and down. The blonde haired boy notices every player partaking in this including himself. He wants to crawl in a hole and die. 

  
He counts the amount of times he taps his finger on the bench. _One two three four five six seven eight nine ten, all the way to fifty_. 

Atsumu Miya was diagnosed with extreme anxiety ever since he was a child. He noticed people’s anxiety. He noticed his own as well. The doctors suggested that he take anxiety medication at age fifteen. Atsumu felt as if he couldn’t take the medication. His pride got in the way. He felt weak and useless even at the thought of relying on medicine. He felt embarrassed to even tell his parents about his anxiety, so how could he take medication for it and not feel ashamed or weak? He can’t show weakness to his brother nor the people in his life. _Its just how Miya Atsumu does things._

_Tap tap tap tap_

Atsumu bites the inside of his lip tearing the skin off. He looks over to the boy next to him. 

  
_Tap tap tap tap, does it ever get boring?_

He analyzes this boy and stares at him for a good five minutes.

“Do you need something?” the boy said while he noticeably plays with his fingers. His hands look rough. Atsumu wants to hold his anxiously fiddling hand to get it to stop moving. 

“What.” Atsumu blurted out still staring at the boys hands. “Are you okay? You’ve been staring at me with an intense look for a while.” the boy says looking obviously anxious and scared this time, while annoyingly clicking something that made a loud sound. Atsumu assumed It was a pen. 

He asked himself ‘ _Am I really that intimidating or is he just nervous?’_

The boy sitting next to Atsumu was Hinata Shouyou. He knew it was him from first glance. Atsumu studies before things like this. He knows tons of people here just by doing research. He feels more comfortable and confident studying everyone online before actually seeing them in person, It seizes his anxiety to do so. Atsumu finds it entertaining how much you can find out about a person just by looking them up. He looks down at Hinata’s hands. Hinata flicks his nails up and down against each other. Atsumu wishes his nails were as long as his to fiddle with.

“I-I’m-“ the boy with orange hair said before being cut off. 

  
  
“Shouyou Hinata.” Atsumu said confidently. 

Hinata took a good look at Atsumu before saying “Do I know you by any chance?” 

“Nope.” Atsumu replied.

“Oh.” Hinata said back. 

It fell to a semi awkward silence. Hinata tapped his foot approximately one hundred and four times before he broke the silence. Atsumu bites at his cubicles. 

“Well in that case I’ll formally introduce myself. I’m Shouyou Hinata, I’m from Karasuno high.” He exclaimed. Atsumu noted how jumpy this small boy was.

Atsumu plays it off cool and act’s like he doesn’t know this information to avoid more awkwardness. “Oh that school, the crows or something like that.”

_One two three four five six seven times Hinata tapped his finger on the bench._

“Yeah I guess you can call us that.” Hinata says. 

“Mhm.” Atsumu replies becoming more and more annoyed at how this boy was constantly tapping his fingers on the bench.

Atsumu’s looks down at his hands. They are red and extremely noticeable. He looks at Hinata’s. They are rough, but healthy. Atsumu’s fingers are bleeding. He bites them anyway.

“Woah are you alright?” Hinata points at Atsumu’s hands and has a worried look on his face. 

“What?” Atsumu replies Atsumu doesn’t understand this question. He _never_ understood this question. His hands are bleeding. They are pink, red, and bleeding. They look horrid. Atsumu is still biting his cubicles. He brings his hands down to look at them and notices the amount of blood that is now flowing out of his fingers. Ever since he was younger Atsumu has had anxiety. It was incredibly noticeable. There were times Atsumu would freak out, bite his nails, hands shaking, and people think the best thing to ask is, “Are you okay?” He wondered if Hinata had this problem. Anxiety so bad, tapping constantly, fingers bleeding, hands shaking, not being able to stand, trying to say something but just can’t, having trouble breathing, freaking out to the point where you forget how to do basic human things like taking in oxygen and breathing out carbon dioxide. Atsumu wants to ask Hinata if he’s as messed up as him. He desperately hopes Hinata understands even if he just met this kid. He wonders if this boy, who so obviously is nervous and can’t stop moving, is the same as him. He wonders if Hinata gets asked this question as frequently as he does himself. Atsumu likes Hinata’s hands. Heart pumping, hands shaking, Atsumu decides the best thing to do in this gruesome, bloody situation is to talk to Hinata impulsively. Whenever Atsumu has trouble finding words, or talking for that matter, he doesn’t think he just says anything that comes to mind. 

Atsumu, in a moment of word association, without thinking says ”I wouldn’t mind having your hands.” 

Atsumu looked at his red colored hands, then back at Hinata, because well, what else was he supposed to do when he just told someone he wouldn’t mind having their fucking hands. Atsumu starts to laugh as he processes what just happened. He told a stranger he just met that he wouldn’t mind having his hands. Meaning he wants his this boys hands. Atsumu’s head was full of thoughts. ‘ _Oh my god oh my god why the fuck would I say that? Why did I start laughing after too oh my god. He probably thinks I’m a fucking psychopath. He thinks I’m insane huh. Well no shit I just said the creepiest fucking thing ever. Does he think I’m gonna chop off his hands now and keep them? Fuck. Fuck. Why do I do this to myself can I just shut the fuck up for one second. I’m not insane. a At least I don’t think I am? Shit he thinks I’m a full blown psycho huh? I mean I can’t blame him, my hands are literally covered in blood right now. I can’t this is torture why THE FUCK DID I SAY THAT. He’s just staring at me oh my god Hinata say something say something please I’m not fucking insane. Please laugh it off please please’_

_  
_ Hinata stares at Atsumu in confusion while Atsumu desperately tries to grasp his thoughts. 

“Well then, take them.” Hinata says with a blank expression. 

Atsumu stares at him then just starts laughing. Hinata keeps staring at him with a dead expression then looks down. “Your hands.” Hinata says.

Atsumu looked down and saw a puddle of red underneath his fleshy bones. Atsumu isn’t worried about how he’s going to set with bloody hands. It doesn’t hurt him in the slightest. Why would he bite his nails till they bled if he couldn’t play afterwards? He never had a problem with that. He just wrapped them in bandages before he started playing and they never seemed to bother him. If it did affect his playing he wouldn’t be biting his nails in the first place. 

_Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap Hinata’s fingers go on the bench. He’s anxious. The boy doesn’t like the sight of blood._

“Oh.” Atsumu says. 

Hinata grabbed the upper part of Atsumu’s arm being sure he didn’t touch any of his blood, and dragged him into a hallway. People stared which made Atsumu want to kick each individual person in the dick but decided not to. They walked into what looked like a restroom. Atsumu’s hands were shaking. 

Hinata walks toward the sinks and turns one on. “You run your hands under this water for a couple minutes, I’m gonna go get some bandages okay?” Hinata smiles at Atsumu. It was one of the fakest smiles Atsumu has ever seen in his life.

Atsumu tries to understand this situation. _‘So this boy knows there’s a huge chance I will be his competition today, and yet he’s still helping me? Why? Hinata clearly looked nauseous at the sight of my hands so why is he helping me?’_

  
Atsumu stares at the red water going down the drain. He chews the inside of his lip. He’s thankful he came early today. After a couple of minutes Hinata comes back and Atsumu still stares at his fleshy hands that are no longer red but pink. 

“Oh good your still here,” Hinata looks down in sink. “I got a staff member to clean up the blood and I got some bandages. It looks like your hands aren’t bleeding anymore.” Hinata smiles as he hands Atsumu some paper towels.

“Why are you doing this? You don’t even know my name.” Atsumu says coldly trying to hide how anxious he actually is. He taps his foot on the floor.

He counts ‘ _one, two, three, four. It’s crazy how some people are so selfless.’_

“Do I have to know someones name to help them out when they obviously need it?” The orange haired boy calmly responds. 

  
Atsumu smirks, “I guess not but you and I are polar opposites in that department.”

Atsumu never understood selfless people like that. Taking their precious time and effort to help strangers who need it. Atsumu likes to help people he cares about. He will do anything for the people that he loves, but when it came to strangers he couldn’t grasp why people took an interest in even putting up a conversation let alone helping them. 

“Give me your hands one at a time, I’ll wrap them up for you.” Hinata smiled at Atsumu, took his hand gently made sure he didn’t hurt him in any way and started wrapping them. 

_‘His hands are gentle but rough at the same time. He clearly takes care of them, but they’ve been through a lot_.’ Atsumu thinks as he counts the seconds going by. He stares at Hinata. He concludes that Hinata is cute but something about him makes Atsumu want to sock the orange haired boy across the face. He wouldn’t dare. Atsumu gets butterflies. 

“Oki doki give me your other hand.” Hinata reaches for it.

_‘Who the fuck still says oki doki?’_ Atsumu thought as he slightly enjoyed it. 

“Thanks for this.” Atsumu aggressively tears the skin off the inside of his lip. 

“Yeah of course! It’s not a problem!” The orange haired boy genuinely looked happy being at Atsumu’s aide. 

“Miya.” The blonde haired boy blurts out. He hopes Hinata gets what he’s trying to say. “Atsumu Miya.” 

“Nice to meet you Miya.” Hinata says as he finishes off the last of the bandages.

“Yeah likewise.” Atsumu smiles at Hinata.

“Well you’re hands should be good but are you sure you’re gonna be able to play today?” Hinata looks worriedly. 

‘ _Just who the fuck is this kid. Why does he care so much? We might even have to go up against each other today, and he’s still acting like we’re besties or some shit?’_ Atsumu’s thoughts are everywhere. He laughs. In the past fifteen minutes this short, orange haired boy has grown on Atsumu more than he liked to admit. Maybe it was because no ones really shown such an interest in Atsumu before. No one genuinely cared for his well being. Sure his twin brother Osamu might have cared for Atsumu’s well being but that was before he started acting like an asshole who wanted everyone’s attention. Atsumu wondered if anyone cared about Hinata as much as Hinata so obviously cared for other people.

“Are your hands okay?” Atsumu asks as he stares at the orange haired boy with a glint of desperation in his eyes. 

“They’ve seen better days.” Hinata looks back at Atsumu. 

_Fuck._

“Cmon lets go back, we should hurry and get ready.”

Atsumu looks down at his hands. They’re perfectly wrapped in bandages. It doesn’t hurt. He likes this turn of events. “Okay.” He smiles as they walk towards their bags.

“Well I should go find my team, they’re probably worried sick about me.” Hinata grabs his things. 

“Same with me, ah shit Osamu’s probably pissed.” Atsumu replies. 

“Let’s hope we don’t have a game against each other!” Hinata exclaims.

Atsumu didn’t even have to think before he smirked and replied “If we did my team would beat you without hesitation. There’s no way anyone here could even compare to us. If the time comes that we do face of against each other don’t expect me to go easy just because you helped me.” 

“I don’t want you to go easy.” Hinata smirked back. “If we do face off I want you to bring everything you’ve got.” 

“Well of course.” Atsumu picked up his things. “See ya, Hinata.” He said in an intimidating voice.

“See ya!” Hinata waved and took off. 

Atsumu found his team right before they started stretching. They found out they were in one of the first matches. Everyone was getting ready, practicing their spikes, receives, and sets. Atsumu never bothered to see who they were going against. A small part of him was hoping it wasn’t that boy he ran into earlier. Another part of him hoped it was. Atsumu did think Hinata had a punchable face. He thought _‘damn what if I don’t see him again. Well I mean that was a kind of one time thing but he was kinda cute. Should I have gotten his number?_ ’

“Oi Tsumu shut the fuck up” Osamu his twin brother slapped him on the back. “Get ready were about to see the team we’re up against.” 

“I didn’t even say anything!” Atsumu yelled back. 

Atsumu stopped his practice and looked on the other side of the court to see who was playing against. He noticed a familiar face. One who maybe even helped him bandage his hands. Atsumu looked up and smirked right at him. 

_He tapped his foot for a good 30 seconds biting the side of his cheek. Because guess what? Miya Atsumu is fucking human._

“Well this is gonna be fun”

**Author's Note:**

> bruh hi ok so this is supposed to be like Atsumu and Hinata both went to nationals but didn’t really know each other until this interaction? Idk idk  
> jajajaja this is such a random story. Part of this story is just me venting onto Atsumu bc I feel like Tsumu also has anxiety and stuff like this ya know. I wanted to just show that anxiety is a pretty common thing. I have like hellaaa horrible anxiety so I just wanted to vent through a character who I felt might also have anxiety? Idk bro heheehheaj I love atsumu miya so much byeeeee


End file.
